my funny valentine
when your kids reject a gift on your behalf
Written by Lisa McGann. Edited by Annie Straka.
I’ve always loved Valentine’s Day, but for a semi-peculiar reason - I am a lifelong lover of stationery. As a kid, I liked seeing my what my classmates picked out and how their handwriting was different from mine.
As an adult, my husband Sean knows the way to win the day is with a letterpress pun. Beyond that, my expectations weren’t too high while we dated or during earlier years of marriage.
But the significance of our anniversary and Valentine’s Day seem heightened since having kids. It’s like these little holidays should punctuate the everyday grind to remind us that we are still a couple. But there’s less time now than ever before to plan a night out or put effort into a sentimental gift. Quite the inconvenient reversal. It wasn’t a struggle to pull off a romantic feat when we were only focused on each other; but now that we are pulled in five directions, good luck.
This year, we made no plans. Zilch. I bought the kids’ classroom valentines, but Sean and I hadn’t talked about celebrating. He did ask me at 10:56 pm on February 13 what I'd like for dinner the following day.
“Peace,” I said.
“Well, that’s the one thing I can’t make,“ he replied, and we half heartedly laughed and turned out the lights.
So in the morning, I was surprised to see a gigantic red gift bag for me, a reused one that's in our house because it originally held a firetruck or other oversized vehicle. What’s this?! For me?! Yay!
I opened an excellent card first, and then saw a tag peeking out of the tissue paper that read The Big Blanket Co on a moss green, chenille-esque fabric. I held it up, hiding my face, to show our kids what their dad had given me in the exciting, big red bag.
“A BRUNO COSTUME!!” our sons exclaimed.
If unfamiliar, Bruno is the bad guy turned good guy character from Disney’s Encanto. A visual:
I was shaking laughing as they repeated, “A Bruno costume! A Bruno costume!”
At one point, I swear Max our five year old said incredulously, “Dad, you got Mom a BRUNO costume??!!??”
Sean laughed, too. It was immediately clear to him that this wasn’t the gift of my romantic dreams, and I didn’t have to say a word. The intention was there - “you’re always cold so I bought you the world’s largest hoodie” - but it felt more like an office holiday gift exchange item than something from the person who knows me best in the world.
There was a point in time when not liking a gift would have made me stressed out. Do I have to wear this? Should I just pretend to like it? He remembered, that should count!
But thankfully, that’s not where we are in our relationship now, and I don’t know when exactly my gift receiving mentality shifted. I needed to feel polite once upon a time, and now I'd rather not waste money.
I guess I do maintain some vestiges of manners because I was so grateful the boys gave me an automatic out on this one, so that I didn't blurt out the thoughts running through my mind “I don’t want this / You could give this to your mom / Why moss green?” No further return rationale needed beyond the boys' astute observation: “this is, in fact, is a Bruno costume.”
What does this have to do with working like a mother? Well, nothing and everything.
You can totally take it as a stupid story or a how-to guide for hiding behind your kids to reject a gift.
Or maybe you’re like me, having often unspoken higher expectations for romantic holidays like this one. I laughed because it was funny. I laughed in the same way I laughed at this Ali Wong bit about how she totally changed her opinions about mom clothes (45 second watch** “the more glitter, the better”**). Things have changed. I logically know it’s silly to put pressure on Valentine’s Day. But more so than before having kids, I do want to mark the occasion.
I also think my expectations wouldn’t be heightened if we actually went on the scheduled date nights all marriage experts advise. Sean booked a few dinners in weeks to come on February 15. Not saying these are extricably linked (though maybe my feelings about the blanket/costume were more obvious than I thought). So today I am texting some sitters to make those nights happen. We’re still a couple. We’re just now a couple who laughs about Valentine’s Day gifts.